Merry Christmas

It is a sunny 71 degrees outside.

I love this town.

Best. Season. Ever.

No, seriously. 13-2 is a franchise-best record for the Chargers.

And what a way to win it.

Making Reactionary Look Good

Wonkette points to a remarkably well-illustrated forthcoming NRA comic book.


My first thought is no way this can be legit - the politics is off, and frankly, the art is too damn good. But then, I thought Liberality, the comic book starring Sean Hannity as a crimefighting cyborg, was a parody. Turns out the people mean it. So who knows? Maybe this one is real too.

Areas of My Expertise

2L Summer Employer wanted me to fill out a bunch of employment forms and send them in, which I finally took a moment to do now that finals are over. The last page of the form for the office directory had a field for "interests." I immediately wrote in "water polo" and "swimming," and then "theater" after some reflection. Three didn't seem like enough. You can't have to office thinking you don't have any interests. I nearly wrote "comedy," but that felt like a silly thing to put down, and it's not like I go to stand-up clubs. You can't put down "politics" because that invites contentious and awkward conversations about how you think your co-workers are ruining America. I considered adding "music" and "hanging out with my friends," but then I remembered this wasn't going on MySpace. "Drinking" looks bad on an employment document, no matter how much fun it is to do. But I had to think of something, or I would be the Boring Guy at the office. "Water polo, swimming, theater," looked forlorn sitting by themselves on the page, even lonely. I needed something, anything to round out my list.

In the end I settled on "dinosaurs" and "rocketships."

Reunions

I was eating lunch when George called, with a law school classmate in the Atlanta airport, on layover for flights to California. "Hey Trevor," he said, "there's an alumni water polo game tonight, can you make it?"
"What time?"
"7:30"
"At Canyonview?"
"Yeah."
"Cool, my flight lands at five. See you there."

I get there and sure enough, there's a dozen of my best friends from high school, already pale reflections of the athletes we used to be, trying to prove otherwise by playing a lineup of seventeen year olds form our alma mater. The little punks jump to an early lead, because they're quick on the counterattack, while most of us can't swim two pool lengths without losing our breath. Tyler confesses to me after the game, "I hated turnovers so much, I got mad when they missed shots. It was like, 'bastards are making me swim!'"

Our only saving grace was a deep bench - we could do a full line change after every goal, and by the end of the game pretty much needed to. We pulled away in the third quarter once John singled out their ringer and decided to shut down their offense single-handedly, and the rest of us began to compensate for our lack of conditioning by repeatedly sinking the naively rule-following high schoolers. In the end, their youth and skill succumbed to our age and treachery, and we grizzled veterans (none of us older than 25) departed, panting and wheezing, into the night.

Due Process THIS!

After handing in a Constitutional Law final exam that contained both the words "Reconquista" and "Klingon" this afternoon, all I have to do is write the my paper about how the legal profession makes me feel and I'm outta here. One problem, though: I have to pack both for San Diego for when I head home and for Minnesota where I'm meeting my best friends for New Years. I've got my Rainbows stashed right next to my scarf and mittens.

Do This Now

Click here and download John Hodgman's book for free on iTunes. Do it right now. He's a Daily Show correspondent, plays PC on those apple commercials, and an absolutely hysterical author. Go get it now before they take it away.

Inspiration from Boing Boing by way of Eric Burns.

King Cotton Pot

According to the LA Times, Marijuana is now America's biggest cash crop.

A report released today by a marijuana public policy analyst contends that the market value of pot produced in the U.S. exceeds $35 billion — far more than the crop value of such heartland staples as corn, soybeans and hay, which are the top three legal cash crops.

And that's without federal subsidies.

FOX News Says I Have a Vagina

Or something like that. Local news report that Harvard will allow men and women to be roommates. The horror! As the anchor reporting on the scene elaborates, "Are they gonna have that time of the month together too? 'Cause what guy would sign up for this, other than one that has that issue."

You can imagine how upset this has made me, living with not one but two female roommates. I have a vagina and didn't even know about it! I can see how this sort of thing would escape my notice - I'm notoriously absent-minded. But it's distressing to think I had one there all along and I wasn't getting any use out of it. I have a lot of catching up to do.

Also, I haven't had my period since I moved in here in September. Could I be pregnant? Obviously it would one of those immaculate thingies.

(thanks to feministing for the link)

Best Song to Which to Write a Final Exam

I Fought the Law (And the Law Won)?

Synthesis Becomes Radicalization

The thesis of my answer to the take-home portion of my Evidence exam, as informed by my study of moral and political philosophy, my instruction in this semester's Legal Professions seminar, and my experience at the Legal Services Center:

The adversarial system is evil. The bar foisted it upon you before you had this whole 'democracy' thing sorted out, and we've kept it in place because it makes us richer and more powerful than you. If you know what's good for you, you'll start chipping away at attorney-client privilege right now.

So we'll see how that flies. The professor did seem to have a fondness for Jeremy Bentham's ranting about how awful the common law is, but that could have just been bemusement. Oh well.

Person of the Year

Time Magazine says it's YOU since modern technology has made you all empowered and expressive. I'm sure Glenn Reynolds is wetting his pants with enthusiasm at the endorsement of his thesis.

So check out the story of one Person of the Year in particular, who did his generation proud when his teacher started spouting creationist and soteriological dogma in his public high school class - he made and shared recordings.

Sunlight is the best disinfectant, and it's getting easier to shine it into shady corners.

Moratoria are Passé

Gawker has a list of conversational cliches one must never again use. I for one welcome our new lexical overlords, and respect their authority.

TAL PSA

This American Life, the incredibly good NPR radio show, is now available via podcast. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, just go over there tight now, and you can thank me later.

Psychosomatic

Where I come from winter isn't a season that settles in over you so much as a destination one can visit. Back home it gets a little cooler and a little rainier, but Winter proper stays up in the mountains where it belongs.

Last night I dreamt I was on a weekend ski trip, with all the hilarity and personal injury that entails, including the obligatory massive hangover in the mornings. Then when I woke up today (technically in the afternoon) I had an actual hangover, even though I didn't drink at all last night. It feels like getting the bill for someone else's credit card. Only instead of dollars, transactions are measured in pain.

Speaking of personal injury, I would totally wear this shirt to class.

Maverick

Speaking of trials, we had our introductory meeting for the intensive, three-week Trial Advocacy Workshop this afternoon. The instructor paced back and forth across Ames courtroom as he explained to the hundred-odd students what we were in for. It felt like a speech on the first day of flight school.

This will be the most intense academic period of your law school career. You will be forced to confront what is consistently found the most frightening situation in all of human experience: public speaking. I can personally guarantee that you will not be the same person at the end of this program that you were when you started it.

They make it clear that our training will be rigorous.

You will be expected to work hard every day, and show up prepared. You will work with your classmates. Some of them will be able to teach you just as much as we are. Because we are learning together, we will also be eating together, every day. We will regularly videotape your performance in class and review it for errors. By the end of the course, you will have conducted direct and cross examinations, made motions and objections, and argued two full cases in their entirety.

We are reminded as well of the stakes.

Your trials will be held with real judges, in real Massachusetts courthouses. The juries in your trials will not be other law students, or the families and friends of law students. They will be complete strangers, and they will be returning verdicts. Some of you will win, and some of you will lose.

I'm pumped. I want to go watch Top Gun.

Doe v. Kamehameha

Summer Employer had just hired former Stanford Law dean Kathleen Sullivan to runs its appeallate program, and showed off by taking the summer class down to the courthouse on 8th street to watch her argue Doe v. Kamehameha before the 9th Circuit en banc. It was an impressive thing to watch, but none of us had any idea how it might come down. Turns out she won.

A Tale

This is the best internet message board post I have ever seen.

But I would like it, wouldn't I? It's all "meta" and stuff.

Puppy Love

It is a very silly joke, but I need one today. From McSweeney's, Recently Retired Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan Warns His New Puppy Against "Irrational Exuberance." A taste:

You could claim that a strong definition of rationality requires that I make improper assumptions about preferences, and that a weak definition forces me into the tautology of declaring that all choices must be rational because they were chosen. You could make these arguments, but I do not believe you will, because you are a puppy.

The 1L Job Search

It's December now, which means 1Ls
can start applying for firm jobs for the summer. I got a lot of questions about the process last night when I showed up for the second half of
a California Club jobs panel / wine tasting. I'm no expert, but I know what happened for me.

I picked the markets I wanted to target (San Diego and San Francisco), sent a cover letter and a resume to every firm in those cities that was hiring 1Ls starting December 1st and had a litigation department. I knew that the yield for these things was very low, so I did very cursory research up front and tried to just maximize the number of chances I'd give myself. I didn't write a new cover letter every time - I just wrote one that had two sentences I'd customize to each firm.

My initial mass mailing (pictured) had close to forty envelopes, which resulted in one interview. That's about the rate of return I'd been told to expect. Because actual interviews were rare, I spent a lot of time researching the firm offering me one so I could make the most of that chance. Through sheer blind luck, they sounded like a great fit, and the interview went really well. When they gave me a job offer, I accepted immediately. I had another volley of mailings ready to send out on January 15 (or whenever the other date was that a lot of firms started taking 1L resumes) that I never sent.

The important thing to keep in mind is that you're taking a whole lot of low-percentage shots, but you only need one success. Going 1-for-100 is winning.